Who’s Your BFF? A supplement to A Toast to All Friends

Who’s your best friend? We get asked that question from the time we are two years old. I’ve had many best friends over the years. The first one I can remember was when I was between five and seven, Thomas. Thomas had curly, afro-like, brown hair and was really funny. I remember when I turned seven Thomas gave me a stuffed ladybug for my birthday. It was purple with hot pink spots and was filled with plastic beads. I loved that ladybug and slept with it until it developed a small tear in the seam along the neck and lost so many beads that it’s head just hung limp.

Not long after we moved to Vermont early the following year I quickly developed a second best friend, Peggy. Peggy and I were inseparable for 8 solid years until we entered high school. Our freshman year separated us and forced us to make friends outside of our tiny Sutton, Vt. existence. Still considered a small school, Lyndon Institute (LI) was quite large for a recent graduate from Sutton Elementary (10 total in my graduating class). Peggy and I slowly grew apart and at the end of our sophomore year, she quit school and that pretty much sealed the deal. We were no longer best friends and only reconnected every few years. As a matter of fact, I recently have been in touch with her sister (thanks to Facebook) and am making an effort to get in touch with her again. Surely after so many years, we have a lot to talk about.

During my high school and college years I remained best-friendless. Don’t get me wrong, I had many friends; actually, I had groups of best friends. There just wasn’t that one special person who you confide in endlessly - not until I found my way to Athens, Ohio in 1990. About two weeks after moving with my then fiancé, Steve, Deborah found her way into my life. Thank God for Deborah, really. She introduced me to the wannabe hippie crowd. Still not a die-hard fan of the Grateful Dead, I managed to worm my way into the group and create the beginning of what would become an incredibly large network of friends. Deborah and I grew apart when I landed in a bizarre relationship with a fellow who will remain nameless (one of the very few times I will ever keep a name private). He drove us apart in a manner of speaking and although Deb and I remained friends, the best friend status evolved into “my best friend from Athens” or “my best friend from 1990-1992” or whatever claim we made.

It was at this point when I realized I had been acquiring best friends all along. I had a list of best friends. My best childhood friend was Thomas. My best friend from Sutton was Peggy. My best friend from high school was really a group including Luke, Eric, Chris, Todd and Ellen (remind me that I must find Ellen again). In college there was Tracy, Tracy, Tracy (yeah, tell me about it; and all from Bennington, Vt.!), Robin, Caroline, Jennifer, Amy, Leslie and Chris. Oh, and Marcia. Marcia became a best friend by proxy through one of my best college friends, Amy, and is now more like a member of my family than anything. Deborah became my first best friend from Athens. Michelle is still my best friend from the Hank years and Wendy is my best Meigs friend. Then there is Darlene. What can I say about Darlene; best all-time friend? Jill fits into this category as well. Then quickly, before I knew it, there was Paul, Sarah and Kate eking their way into my life and heart and becoming my best friends from my second stint in Athens. Paige is certainly the best friend I have ever met through work, hands down. And now, of course Lily is my best friend from England. Naturally my bestest friends are my husband, Justin and my dog, Chaga, who are there with me at my absolute worst, when I think I want no one around, and manage to make me want and need them.

What does the best friend status mean? Are you required to maintain a certain level of contact to keep the title? I think not. It is my opinion that once you attain a best friend status, you keep it for life. The older we get, the more we categorize our life and, in my case, my friends. They’re all just as important to me now as they were when I was spending considerable time with them. After all, they helped me become who I am and where I am today. They were there with me when I moved, broke up with boyfriends, lost a job, found a job, needed a dog sitter, traveled back to Vermont, visited me in Vermont, needed a hug, needed to talk, got married, moved overseas, needed a friend. There is just a bit more mileage between us, too many dollars separating the visits and a few too many hours between time zones for conversations. But you’re there. You’re in my heart, on my mind and I promise to find the time for each of you through the coming years.