06 January 2010

It only works when you use both

My stepson

In the last year he has provided me with a lifetime of funny stories which I will undoubtedly threaten to use against him when he least suspects. As I am sure those of you with children understand, the humorous material they provide is endless. 


Chay is eight years old and as such, considers himself a man. He wears a "tough" look when he's around adults giving the impression that he's uninterested. He imagines he is a rugged outdoors man (who interestingly enough is grossed out by touching bugs and dramatizes "injuries" such as limping when he's scraped a knee and then forget the injury only to resume limping on the other leg when he witnesses you looking at him). And of course, he falls for every marketing campaign selling new toys, video games and naturally, men's deodorizing body spray.

Sex sells... even to children
We've all seen those sexy Lynx commercials demonstrating how easy it it is to strip a woman down to her leopard print panties simply by spraying the body spray in a Z pattern across your chest. Well, for those of you who have been using this, pay close attention. As Chay informed me, it doesn't really "work" unless you use both the shower gel and body spray together...


An innocent dose
On Christmas Eve, Chay and I were in the house talking about Father Christmas, where he might be in the world at that very moment and how many presents he thought he would get between all of the separate Christmases he would be celebrating over the next two days. Wearing his super cool look, he produced a box set of Lynx shower gel and body spray that his mother gave him as an early present (he asks for the spray every year). He was especially excited about it because it contained two products, the shower gel of which he had never used up to that point and of course the deodorizing body spray. Eager to tear into it, he asked if it would be alright if he put some on. "Sure", I replied. 


Tsh, tsh, tsh. 


I heard a very conservative amount being sprayed onto his shirt and thought to myself, "whew, that's OK. Not too much. I can still breath". A few moments later after walking into the kitchen I heard the horrifying sound...


tttssshhhhhhh, tttssshhhhhhh, tttssshhhhhhh.... 


Walking into a cloud of perfume I noticed with a dreamy look he was gazing at the box containing the treasured items. As he looked up from the box he commented on a diagram on the back indicating how to use this deadly combination.

Pointing to to the first part of the equation he said "see, first you use the shower gel." Moving on to the second part of the equation he informed me that that step two was to spray the deodorizing body spray on in a Z pattern, as he just had.  At the third part he stumbled and paused. 


"Aaand, I'm nooot suuure what this last part means..." he stammered.


My reply? "Oh, that means you're ready to party!


"Really? It looks like a guy with two girls?"


"Sure, you're dancing with the ladies!" I replied with a grin.


It only works when you use both
Later that night after Chay was in bed I mentioned the conversation to Justin. "It all makes sense now!" Apparently  Justin had noticed that Chay sprayed the Lynx over his body and asked humorously if he was 'trying to get a girlfriend'. Chay's response? "No, Dad. It only works when you use both. And I'm never using both!"

21 December 2009

I found a dreidel in my Christmas cracker

This time of year is filled with everything Christmas
We were lucky enough to get snow, which really drove the Christmas cheer home, presents from family arrived on time, our tree is glimmering with lights and ornaments, radio stations are pumping out Christmas songs and we got a load of wood so we are sure to have a crackling fire to see us through the new year.

And, as is always the case this time of year, Christmas crackers are plentiful!

Just a Christmas lunch and yet, so much more!
Yesterday, Justin and I met up with my mother-in-law to celebrate Christmas a bit early. After handing over a Christmas tree-shaped and decorated plastic tub of freshly baked cookies and treats, she announced she was taking us to lunch. "Great", we both chirped as we gulped our last bit of tea.

She took us to a pub just a stones throw away and commented on how she had been there several times in the past month. The pub, Compasses in Great Totham, is fairly small with two fireplaces, a friendly staff and very cozy. After ordering our roast dinners (me, turkey; Justin, beef; Gilly, gammon) we settled into enjoying a nice glass of Rioja. The dinners were delicious and after cleaning our plates we decided to rest a bit before ordering dessert.

I have not laughed this hard by myself in a very long time
It was now I suggested we open our Christmas crackers. Now, I don't remember Christmas crackers being popular where I've lived. Somehow though, I have a vague recollection of something of this nature but cannot place it.  Nonetheless, they are very popular in England and you find them everywhere this time of year, and this pub was no exception. Each place setting cradled a cracker and after moving them aside to enjoy our roast dinner, I could take it no more!

We each crossed our arms and took one end of each of our crackers (if you can imagine) and pulled. Crack! they all opened and a little toy, paper crown and joke fell out of each of ours. We read the really bad jokes aloud, placed the crowns (each a different bright color of pink, yellow and blue) on our head and held up our toy. Justin's was an over sized bright green paper clip (?), Gilly had a bright green golf tee and I had the mother toy of all...

a dreidel. A Dreidel!



I could not stop laughing and laughed until I cried. When my tears of laughter were met with quizzical looks, I stated several times and with more emphasis each time "I got a dreidel in my Christmas cracker!" As it turned out, neither of them had heard of a dreidel and so did not know what one was. Somehow, this made me laugh even harder. I had to stifle my laughter after a bit because I realized the joke was going no further than right there with me. Still though, every time I think of it, I can't help but giggle.

I don't know exactly why I think it is so funny. Perhaps it is just the lightheartedness of the season.

Regardless, it's quite charming and I like it. Intended or not, this is just a tiny way of bringing religions together. Next year I'll be holding out for a tiny model of the Hindu God, Ganesh. Wouldn't that be the best?!



18 December 2009

Happy Holidays to all of our family and friends!

Last night we had our first snowfall of 2009. Looks like all of those snow danced finally paid off!

This is what it looked like when we went to bed last night...





Chaga and I went for a walk this afternoon. These photos show how gorgeous it is outside still!





What a beautiful place to be with snow!















We're hoping to hold on to this little bit of winter wonderland long enough for Christmas. 


Here's wishing all of you have a beautiful holiday season
a spectacular new year 
and a few wishes of your own come true.